Most guys today believe that having a little more money would make them happier. But the research shows again and again that after your basic needs are met, extra material wealth has little or no effect on life satisfaction or happiness.

    Compared to 1960, Americans today have doubled their spending power, largely because more women have moved into the workplace instead of staying home with the kids. We also have bigger houses, twice as many cars per person, flat screen televisions, microwaves, computers, brand-name athletic shoes, 100 television stations, digital music players.

    The accumulation of material goods is at an all-time high, but so is the number of people who feel emptiness.

    For instance, people spend more of their free time alone than ever. Nearly 90% of Americans drive to work in their car, most of them alone. At work, most of us work alone in cubicles or we’re so busy or so sheltered by management that we can’t have meaningful human interactions or relationships with the people who work with us. After work, we drive home again, alone. And at home we’re often so tired we just plop down in front of the television, isolated yet again.

    For most of us, even though we have all these new fantastic communication technologies that money can buy- like we can be on the other side of the world in an airplane within a few hours, we can instantaneously talk with someone across the country on a cellular telephone- our world as far as our interpersonal relationships has become very small. And all the scientific research shows that after basic needs are met, extra material wealth has little or no effect on life satisfaction or happiness.

    For extremely poor people in poor countries, money does make a difference to their happiness. Without any money at all, life can be absolutely miserable. Extra money can mean the difference between eating, seeing the doctor, having a place to sleep, or getting a ride to visit friends.

    For everyone else however, the effect is small because money is spent on bigger or better cars, houses, and holidays. A boost in income or possessions can make us happy temporarily, but people soon adapt and begin lusting again. People buy things because they think material goods will give them pleasure, but in fact, according to studies, purchased goods make very little difference in our lives as far as our level of happiness goes. Studies even show that lottery winners are very happy after winning, but that their happiness level reverts back nearly to the original levels after a few weeks.

    It sounds counterintuitive. We assume that having more money will mean we can do more things, have more time, be more respected in people’s eyes, be more attractive. So why doesn’t income increase happiness?

    Well, at a certain point, making more money doesn’t buy sex, doesn’t buy friends, doesn’t buy leisure time for activities. Most people earning lots of money have no extra leisure time than those making less and are often they’re working LONGER hours on the grinding treadmill to keep up with the Joneses, and end up having no time to spend with families or friends or do the things they love.

    You cannot purchase good health and physical fitness- one needs the leisure time to exercise and do physical activities.

    You cannot purchase friends- making money in order to “buy” friendship spoils the intimacy of the relationship. People who simply maximize their earnings are liable to lose friendships from neglect.

    You cannot purchase sexual intimacy- studies found that men who paid for sex with a prostitute were considerably less happy than men who had sexual relations with women they had won on their own.

    Studies also show that men with larger incomes do not have more sex or sexual partners than men with lesser incomes. And working long hours for money does not improve one’s social skills or leisure time, both which are necessary for attracting women.

    And while getting a bigger car or television gives people a boost of pleasure and maybe the ooohs and aaahs of friends, the pleasure quickly fades and they’re no happier than before. It’s because people adapt- they get used to the new circumstances of what they have.

    People are really seeking nonmaterial goals such as human and social relationships, sex and intimacy, and doing activities where pursuing relationship is the main activity.

    So don’t get stuck in the money trap. Make sure that you’re not working 50 or 60 hours a week- keep your leisure time and experience life.

    And don’t wish or want or dream about someone else’s. A lot of guys who have money have sacrificed living their life, sacrificed their youth and time and their opportunities to become better men.

    Be happy with what you’ve got now. Doesn’t mean you can’t struggle for more, BUT live your life today, don’t over obsess about or live in the future.

    Our parents, teachers, our friends, have all taught us since our childhood that you have to prepare, study, get an education, prepare, and study some more so that when you grew up you could have a beautiful house, a nice car, get respect from others, have success, have money, attract women.

    But you were taught that to get this success you will have to pay for it.

    You will have to sacrifice your childhood and your youth, studying, with your nose to the books, so that when you hit your 20s and 30s you’ll have all the pleasures of the world.

    Of course, then you reach middle-age. Now you’re expected to keep sacrificing and keep working so that you can support yourself for when you retire and to retire comfortably.

    And then once you’re old and ready to retire, people will tell you well you could die at any moment, so prepare for the NEXT world, to pray, to become religious, to prepare for the afterlife.

    So we go on sacrificing our youth for old age. We go on sacrificing living life today for a future scenario fantasy others tell us we have to achieve.

    But then your whole life is gone in always preparing for something else. 

    It’s like that with dating and seduction too, or at least with most guys I’ve met– we’re always preparing and studying what to say to the girl, what to do, how to act, putting off the adventure of tonight for a far off fantasy future where we’re pickup supermen in our imaginations.

    And yet while we study pickup, we grow older, we lose time that we will never get back, always preparing and not doing, not living life in the here and now. Not going out to meet women in the here and now.

    And the more you prepare, the more skillful you become in preparing- that’s it. You end up training your brain to be really good at preparing, at being in the mindset of always preparing of always having your nose in the books or more likely at the computer screen.

    But although you become skillful at preparing, you’re never ready to live. You’re only more ready to prepare. Everything is just a sacrifice, there’s no time to enjoy tonight. And that’s how our lives are missed.

    That’s how most of us have been taught in this society to put off today and prepare, prepare, prepare.

    So, if you want to enjoy meeting women, having success with women, less preparation is needed then you might imagine. In fact preparation will get in your way—you only need very little preparation, maybe none at all.

    If you want to enjoy yourself tonight, go enjoy it! Go out and just have a little faith in yourself that you probably already know as much as you need to know, at least enough to just enjoy yourself whatever happens.

    The grass is already green, the flowers have bloomed, the Red Robins are calling you, the present has just arrived. Do it tonight, do it this weekend. Go out. Make THIS day glorious, even if you gloriously “bomb”, see what you can do dropping your preparations and going out with the purpose to have FUN no matter what happens. 

    But if you become a skillful preparer, efficient and meticulous in all your preparations, writing out pages and pages of pickup notes and theories and routines, and memorizations, and reviewing, you will always prepare but you will never go on the journey.

    Showing up is what’s important in life, not the preparing. So you know what you need to do. Go out, show up, make life happen! Make it yours. 

    Hey guys, this is Derek Vitalio from Bacchanali.com A reader writes me, “I’ve told my friends about you and your website Bacchanali, but none of them seem to be interested in meeting women or developing their social skills. How do I convince my friends to come out with me?”

    A primary reason most guys never develop their natural abilities to be sociable, fun, and successful in clubs and parties and living out the Bacchanali of life is because of the negative social pressure from their friends and families.

    A man who starts becoming successful is often not loved by his old friends because he creates a comparison with them.

    Your budding success creates a thorn in their minds; if you’re so successful with women, then why aren’t they? Seeing you with a pretty girl or watching you approach pretty girls, or even talking about personal transformation creates a wound in your old friend’s ego. Your success only reveals his failure. Your very presence hurts him.

    So you’ll find many of your old friends not interested and not encouraging in your journey and transformation.

    They may tell you that success is just a myth, that it’s not possible and never existed; that your dreams are just fantasies.

    They discourage you because once there is no longer comparison, they can rest and continue being mediocre. Then they can remain as they are without any transformation.

    But when a man like yourself walks with a new flame, with a new glow, with a new shining energy of a sun, with such glory, your friends will feel deeply hurt and left behind.

    So most guys starting out at this, in an effort to keep the acceptance of their old peer group, many guys don’t dedicate the time and dedication needed to transform themselves into sexworthy men with women.

    They dabble in Natural game, they tell their friends what they’re doing and get negative feedback and discouragement, and so they quit before they even really got started.

    Here’s my recommendation: don’t try to do any convincing of your friends.

    Most of your friends will NOT be interested in what you learn from me or this website. They are NOT going to share your enthusiasm. Your enthusiasm and transformation will only make them feel hurt and uncomfortable.

    But that’s fine. Let it be. Let them walk their own path. You walk yours. They have their own destinies. And when they reach the level of your consciousness they will become their own seekers and find social success in their own time.

    Trust that you can walk the path alone by yourself for a time; and in the process, maybe you’ll meet some new friends who share your enthusiasm for transformation.

    I got a letter here asking me, “Derek, sometimes I think this would be so much easier if I was just better looking. I’m thinking of joining a gym and also focusing on my career for now. What do you think?”

    Well, I bet you wish you were extremely good looking with the perfect pecs, big bicep guns, and flowing hair. How much easier would it be to meet and win over hot girls?

    Or perhaps extremely rich—if you drove a Mercedes convertible and lived in a big mansion on a hill with a private pool - imagine that.

    Actually though, being good looking and rich is a curse, yes a curse, when it comes to getting good with women.

    Here’s why- if you’re really good looking or rich you never start the journey.

    Good looking guys often have girls here and there fall into their laps. Same with rich guys.

    There are women who are out looking for good looking guys and women looking for guys with a lot of money. These guys have it easier than your typical guy off the street.

    But the thing is, the women that good looking and rich guys actually get are typically NOT the women of their own choosing.

    Instead, women here and there tend to fall into their lap by chance, and because they are meeting some women, they have no real incentive to learn Natural game.

    You know the kind of advanced skillset that allows you to go into a nightclub, get a dozen phone numbers and make-out with the hottest woman in the club of YOUR choosing.

    Rich and good looking guys, because they get some success from doing nothing, they’re nowhere near as successful as they could be, are nevertheless comfortable enough not to feel the raw drive to get really good at meeting the actual women of their choosing.

    They’re not in hell, but they’re stuck in a comfortable purgatory.

    So they never actually learn real game. Maybe they wish for more, wish for more choice, wish for more options, but they’re too comfortable where they are with the occasional woman that falls into their lap to really apply themselves to achieve real choice with women.

    That’s why you can’t find too many rich or good looking guys out there who are really sharp with women in different social situations. They almost all have serious holes in their game when it comes down to it, trying to compensate by bragging or with their looks, comfortable just dragging along being mediocre.

    They are just comfortable enough so that they never have the real drive or incentive to go after the real prizes.

    It is the same situation with extremely beautiful women- often their world experience and social skills are a little dull because they get everything they want without having to apply themselves or grow beyond childhood. It can actually be a curse for a beautiful woman because she lacks the drive to develop her true potential as a human being.

    So I say stop trying to clasp and cling to security in having looks or money. Besides taking up all of your time away from actually meeting women, if you were to achieve those goals you would only lose your edge and drag along comfortably but dully, rather than excelling.

    A woman not of your real choosing, a woman after money and looks may fall into your lap, but you will not land your dream girls or be shaping your own destiny if you chase looks or money.

    Instead, live insecurely so that you have the drive to develop your Natural game, so that you’re not relying on looks or money to slide you by, but so that you have the raw drive and hunger to work a club or bar and learn to pull the hottest girl out and collect 10 phone numbers any night it suits your fancy.

    Look, in the bigger picture of things you can make insecurity your biggest friend. While good looks and money will be your worst enemy.

    That doesn’t mean not to work out, not to exercise, to grow fat and hairy, I’m not saying that. You want to stay in shape and be healthy for you, but for you alone, not to impress girls.

    I’m not saying to become completely broke either. You want to earn some money to do the things you enjoy, to eat healthy, to get a good night’s sleep, but don’t strive to make money just to impress women. It will make you lazy with women, not better.

    So count your lack of looks or empty pockets as a true blessing, count them as your opportunity to become brilliant at this.

    If you want to be successful with women, I mean really successful, you have to leave your parents.

    I don’t mean this literally. If you’re still living with your parents, it’s fine.

    What I mean however is you need to leave them behind on a different level.

    At first, you began your life in your Mother’s womb, completely protected with all of your needs met. Your air, your food, your comfort were all taken care of. You had no worries or desires and you were never hungry. You were absolutely protected and secure.

    In a strange sense, in the womb you lived in a sort of paradise. It is like living next to a wishing well where anything you want is automatically granted, even before you thought of asking it.

    But because you lived in total and complete comfort, you couldn’t grow, you couldn’t evolve as a person.

    Only once you popped out of the womb and were exposed to the elements and experience breathing, hunger, pain, cold, heat, insecurity, could you begin the growing process.

    Your first phase of growth, being a newborn infant, required a degree of separation from your mother. You had to make the effort on your own.

    Still, as an infant, you were largely dependent on your mother for your basic needs. But with time, you as a child grew farther and farther away from your parents.

    One day you went away to school on your own and you were independent from her for many hours at a time.

    I vaguely remember my first day in nursery school- my Mother was saying goodbye and I was screaming bloody murder. Once she left I was too afraid of the teacher to ask to use the bathroom and I peed on the floor! I was a bad little 4 year old.

    But through the insecurity and discomfort you learn to handle it until it becomes normal and being separated is no big deal.

    Pretty soon you become attracted to your first girl your own age and suddenly your mother is no longer the central woman in your life.

    That’s the way it has to be; you must cut yourself away from the security of your parents and not be overly dependent on them.

    You must become insecure, free yourself from parent dependency, to grow into becoming a man.

    You need to stand independently on your own two feet.

    Otherwise you cannot grow to become the kind of man that women are looking for.

    In the same way, with meeting women you need to leave the womb of your home, and go out and be okay with feeling insecurity and the unknown.

    You need to leave the security behind of wanting to have “the right thing to say” at all times and going purely routine-free and Natural and flubbing it up sometimes.

    And when you feel insecure, when you feel out of your comfort zone, that’s when you see the real growth and become a sex-worthy man.

Click the video to watch the dance REMIX

    Look around you- you are literally drowning in a sea of “seduction” products.

    Cars, clothes, magazines, phones, shampoo- these are all marketed as quick-fix seduction products.

    We live in a capitalist economy.

    Every capitalist wants to sell as many cars, shoes, anti-perspirant, booze, phones, games, or whatever it’s they’re selling as they can.  It’s their job to sell as much as possible to maximize their profits.

    How do they do it?

    “Buy this phone and you’ll look cool (and get laid).”

    “Buy this luxury car and you’ll be worthy of women (and get laid).”

    “Buy these shoes to feel good about yourself (and get laid).”

    “Buy this ab-cruncher and you’ll look hot enough for women (and get laid).”

    Most guys believe in these quick-fix solutions, at least on an unconscious level.

    Being bombarded with these messages since birth, they’re walking around with gaping holes in their self-confidence and self-worth, thinking that they need to “succeed” in the material world, to run the capitalist rat race to be worthy of women.

    So most guys are running around like chickens with their heads cut off to get that next raise from the company boss or get higher grades in school.

    Many guys even KNOW about the dating and seduction techniques out there, but purposely put off going out to meet women to “focus on their career”.

    What they’re really doing is spending the best years of their life in front of a desk or in front of a machine, their skins turning to the color of the wallpaper.

    In the long run, it’s the women in your life that will bring you the most fulfillment and happiness, not the paper bills in your pocket.

    And the fact is no matter how much money you accumulate, that little hottie will STILL have more value than you and you’ll STILL have approach anxiety.  You STILL won’t have the guts to approach and nothing will have changed.

    That’s because the little bit of confidence of a hot car can’t replace the gaping hole in your core self-confidence.  You think it will, but the thrill of having the new car wears off quickly and you’ll find it does literally NOTHING to help your game.

    And really, you can’t bring your car or all of your money into a club- the club or bar is a great equalizer.  Nobody can see your money.  No matter how much cash you’ve got, the more sociable, freer guy is going to run circles around you.

    And for first time in history, women no longer need a provider to support them.  Women are simply not looking for providers like they did 50 years ago. Women can make their own money.  And most women have their own jobs and career paths.

    Even if you DO drive up to the club in a $30,000 Mercedes, women are increasingly unimpressed.  Especially to the hottest women, it looks increasingly “try-hard”.

I don’t need the cheese or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are

    Women are rather looking for a man that shows unwavering persistence to go for what he wants, sweeps them off their feet, is confident with exactly who he is, and a man who is happy and expressive no matter what situation he’s in.

    Look at the guys dancing in the video.  They’ll be FAR more attractive than some rich guy who spends all his time working and is nursing a beer in the corner.

    That kind of man is far rarer and more exciting than a man who simply works all day and doesn’t even show up for the party.

    How does a natural pickup look like?

I ain’t got no Visa
I ain’t got no Red American Express
We can’t go nowhere exotic
It don’t matter ‘cause I’m the one that loves you best
Talk to me girl

    This song speaks a truth.

    Give me your thoughts… Click here to leave me a comment